Rockstar: LA Guns??

I’ve been sitting back the last few days taking in the Earth-shattering news of former reality show contestant Dilana joining the Tracii-led version of LA Guns.

I know what a lot of you are thinking. Who is Dilana? I know what others of you are thinking. Who are LA Guns?

For those of us that are a little closer to the geriatric stage of life, we remember LA Guns; a group initially formed by Tracii Guns (we’re pretty sure that isn’t is real name) and some guy named Axl. Axl eventually went on to form a little band that he’s worked hard to sully the name of in recent years and Tracii later went on to hire former Girl frontman Phil Lewis. It was this incarnation of the band that had the most commercial success with a couple of minor hits such as Never Enough and the syrupy-sweet Ballad of Jayne.

LA Guns has gone on to become the crack whore of all rock bands. With the recent addition of Dilana, this marks the 40th lineup of LA Guns. A few of these lineups have been battling head-to-head over the past few years. That’s right folks. There’s MORE than one lineup of LA Guns rocking out at your local dive bar since neither Tracii nor Phil have enough sense to use a fresh band name to attract fans to their shows and seem content to toss out a medley of their hit for the 50-75 drunks that remember when the band was cool for 5 minutes in the 80’s.

When your band’s history is charted on a graph that looks like it was created by Ross Perot, it’s not a promising sign for the future. And Dilana? Her name was last relevant about 5 years ago when she was vying to become the singer for the horrifically conceived Rockstar Supernova reality-band project. Her runner-up status combined with the fact that bassist Jason Newsted faked an injury to flee from the epic-fail-of-a-band left the public at large with a “meh” attitude toward the singer.

Until recently, LA Guns was fronted by former Love Hate vocalist Jizzy Pearl (what a clever name). I think he’s probably happy to be off this trainwreck, especially after hearing the ridiculous audio poison that is LA Guns new acoustic album. The world needed that about as much as the Jonas Brothers releasing a death metal album.

Word has it that Dilana’s management is now running the show for LA Guns and are doing a bang-up job of making sure that the group has no shot at success by basically snubbing every media outlet and rock/metal entity that has approached them for interviews. Since common sense is in short supply with the LA Guns camp already, this seems like a match made in bad-publicity hell. And before anyone thinks that I’m spewing this post out due to being turned down for an interview……I wasn’t. I haven’t bothered asking. Do I think I’m too big for them? Nope. Just too lazy. You’re lucky I banged out this post at all so suck it!

-Cocked and Loaded to Fail

Chris Czynszak