CROBOT at Mill City Nights (Concert Review)

I saw Crobot for the first time at the 2015 Northern Invasion. My life hasn’t been the same since. The air is fresher. My cat’s litter box has no odor. The grass is somehow greener on both sides and even though I just ate my cake I still have it. I love this band more than I love day drinking. And so should you. They have a new album coming out and are currently on tour with Sevendust which is what we’re talking about.

Mill City Nights isn’t exactly my favorite place to see live music. Just the thought of going downtown Minneapolis can make my testicles ascend. Plus they have the stage stuck in the corner which makes for weird viewing. But it’s a trip I will take for the fine young men from the Quaker State that make up Crobot. I met up with the band before the show and I’m not gonna lie. I was taken aback by Jake’s new haircut. But it’s tight.

A year to the day (I looked it up) since I last saw them I was more than a little pumped to see them again. I was so pumped if you swiped a debit card through my ass gas would come out. I can’t imagine how it was possible but I forgot how fucking good these guys are. Lead singer Brandon Yeagley should be in the conversation of current Golden Gods in Rock. One this generation’s best voices with stage swagger that made me wish I wore a bra just so I could throw it at him. Offstage Brandon is that scrawny stoner everyone got along with in high school. On stage, he is 18 feet tall and has the voice of God.

As a band Crobot has so many riffs you wonder if they gave Tony Iommi a reach around. Jake Figueroa (quite possibly my favorite bass player) is a mix between Geezer Butler and that guy from Level 42. Guitarist Chris Bishop is what I assume The Edge would sound like if he played heavy music. And if there is a better drummer for this band than Paul Figueroa I’m quite sure even the ghost of Bret Michaels couldn’t find him.

Opening the show with a new song from the upcoming Welcome To Fat City record “Plague of the Mammoths”, the next 45(ish) minutes were nothing but full chub Crobot glory. I’ve never been in a fight in my life but if someone at Mill City Nights for this show were to even intimate that seeing this band wasn’t something to consider sacrificing a child for, well I would most likely murmur something inappropriate when they weren’t in earshot.

Sometimes you have to pee real bad. And sometimes you summon an other-worldly power to make sure you:

A) Don’t piss yourself

B) Don’t spend a minute of a concert staring at a wall with your dick in your hand

I managed both as the days best band played a set so good my eyes regretted every blink. Playing “Le Mano De Lucifer” made the room happier and fucking A if “Legend of the Spaceborn Killer” as a closer isn’t subtly orgasmic. On tour with headliner Sevendust (killer as well if you don’t know) for the foreseeable future do yourself a favor. Buy a ticket. Go see this band before they become so big you are required to call them a sellout. Also, Welcome To Fat City comes out September 23rd. You should buy it.