There ain’t much you can count on in life. Taxes. Death. Ryan Seacrest. And Motorhead. Since inception Motorhead has existed in one of two forms. Touring for a record or recording a record. Approching 40 years Motorhead just released their 22nd (depending on your count) studio record, Bad Magic, and are currently touring in support of it.
Lemmy Kilmeister is of course Motorhead. But the band as it is (Lemmy, Mickey Dee and Phil Campell) have been together almost 25 years. That level of stability is the kind of thing great bands are made of. With that stability Motorhead and to a large extent Lemmy, have become iconic. THE manifestation of Rock N’ Roll. Sadly when the Hillary Duff‘s of the world can be seen sporting a Motorhead shirt you worry the music has been pushed aside to clear room on the t-shirt rack at Penny’s.
Fuck it. While people with no clue or real investment may try to take Motorhead from us, they can have the t shirt but they will never take what matters. The music. It’s not like Hillary Duff is sitting around fapping to “Overkill” on her iPod. Like the rest of us.
So Bad Magic. Motorhead in many ways is the most important band in rock. If you like heavy music you are sort of obligated to like Motorhead. Kind of like if you’re a douche bag you’re required to spend a lot of time in a tanning bed. As such reviewing a Motorhead record should be second nature. But that’s like saying anyone who likes tits should have no problem removing a bra. Motorhead has made a career out of making ball shrinking music that kicks your ass so hard you don’t recognize how similar it is to everything else they’ve done. They continue to release album after album that does little to distinguish itself from its predecessor. But you still want to take that bra off and look at those boobs don’t you? Not that it’s all tits, dicks and Lemmy. The point being as much as you struggle to remove that bra for the first time you know how good it felt. Listening to Motorhead is like removing a bra for the first time. Over and over. (Sorry if my analogy seems sexist. Feel free to insert one of your own to fit your preference.)
So how does one in my position review a Motorhead record? I could simply give you a thumbs up or thumbs down. Compare it to a boner or something along that line. But I feel I owe you, the reader, more than that. Sure they’re nice breasts but how does it feel in your hand? That said if you don’t already like Motorhead this record will do little to change that.
It starts with Lemmy singing (does Lemmy sing?) “Victory or Die”. Which should take you from 6 to midnight. And quell any doubt you just bought a Motorhead record. You might recognize the next song “Thunder and Lightning”. It sounds like a Motorhead song. The type of song you hope no one is having sex to.
By the fifth track “The Devil” I am ready for a shower. Cameron Webb is back as producer which is a good thing. One thing Motorhead doesn’t need is a fresh perspective. They are the Rock N’ Roll exemplar of if it ain’t broke, break it. A Motorhead record is either good or not. And I like 2013’s Aftershock. I just like Bad Magic better.
The record never really lets up. Even a Motorhead ballad like “Till The End” has some weight to it. Your back almost strains just listening to it. Lemmy is a true rock warrior. All the garbage stories about Ozzy or Keith Richards being inhuman are basically nursery rhymes compared to Lemmy. While Ozzy and Keith are enjoying their 3rd or 4th decade of gourmet food prepared by a private chef, Lemmy is switching from Jack and Coke to Vodka and orange juice. Because it’s healthier.
Buy this record. Go through the Amazon link on the front page when doing so. It’s as good as anything Motorhead has ever done plus it’s got a cool cover of “Sympathy For The Devil.” Let’s take back our metal shirts.